Getting the opportunity to experience different food cultures is one of many reasons I love to travel. What we eat and how we eat (equally if not more important IMO) varies greatly depending on your geographic location. Fly to Japan and you might be served steamed rice, grilled fish, and miso soup for breakfast. Wake up in Paris and the croissants and baguettes with un café au lait will be irresistible. Spend time in India to experience fasting, which is common for religious and cultural beliefs. 

Even within a country there are specialities and traditions on a local level. Go further and every family has their own unique food culture – the habits, values, and traditions you have when it comes to growing, cooking and eating food. 

Think about what this looks like in your family, both as a kid yourself, and now that you have your own little mouths to feed.      

When kids enter the picture our habits and routines around food often change. There are a ton of factors that shape what this might look like for each family – societal norms, time (or lack thereof), priorities, lifestyle, cultural background, finances, number of kids, and more. 

Like all things in life there are a million ways to food (food used as a verb, grammar people cringing everywhere).

It goes without saying that there is no right way or wrong way to feed your family. I believe food plays an even bigger role in our lives than most of us probably realise – so I encourage you to take a minute to reflect on what your food values look like currently. Because sometimes the smallest change can have huge ripple effects into other areas of life. 

Below I’m sharing some of the habits my husband and I have formed over the years and how those have evolved since having kids. Take what resonates from our family’s food culture and leave the rest.

Pressed for time? Skip down to the 10 rules that guide our families food values or if you’re the curious type keep reading to dig a little deeper.  

When I was pregnant with our first son, a friend of ours strongly encouraged us to read Bringing Up Bébé. Little did he know I was already devouring any parenting book I could get my hands on so I was more than happy to add another one to the pile on my nightstand.

After all, I had a lot more time back then. #lifebeforekids

Our friend was right. Bringing Up Bébé is a fantastic book and an easy read. The author, Pamela Druckerman, wrote about her experience as an American raising her children in France and recounts the differences between parenting styles in France and the US. 

Learning about the French parenting norms was interesting, but what stuck with me was this idea that French kids eat everything.

Learning about French Food Culture, especially through the lens of children, completely changed my thoughts around food – both for our future kid(s) and for myself. 

Up until that point I snacked often and ate little meals throughout the day while sitting in my cubicle or on the go. Dinner was probably the only meal I actually sat down to eat – either with friends or with my husband. We often went out to dinner or if we were tired and didn’t feel like cooking, a bowl of cereal would suffice. 

After being inspired by Bringing Up Bebé I decided to try eating 3 proper meals a day with a small afternoon snack as the French do. Usually it’s only the kids in France who enjoy an afternoon goûter, but as a recovering snacker I decided that rule could be broken (#rebelmoment). At first I found it really difficult. As soon as I finished breakfast I was already thinking (and unintentionally wasting precious mental energy) about the next meal. I was starving and had to wait a seemingly long time for the next meal. 

Turns out a small bowl of plain oatmeal made in the microwave at work wasn’t going to give me the energy to last alllllllll the way until lunch.

Instead of giving up, I decided to forge on – I became much more intentional about eating nutrient dense foods and quite frankly more interesting meals. I was nourishing my body and ensuring that I felt satisfied and full after a meal. 

Although not aware of it at the time, this was a pivotal moment in my relationship with food. The more I dabbled in the kitchen the more I fell in love with the process and the art of cooking. Food quite literally became one of my love languages. I love sharing food with friends and family, I love the hunt for the best burrito, and I love learning about the role food plays in our daily lives. 

A someday dream for me is to go to culinary school, not to become a chef or open a restaurant, but just to learn. In the meantime I’ll settle for experimenting (and sometimes burning things) in my own kitchen.  

Once my taste buds were awakened and my mindset shifted there was no going back. These French food habits had become part of my own food culture. That’s when I started to see the ripple effect that these seemingly minor changes were having. For the first time I wasn’t thinking about food in between meal times. My body had adapted to the new routine and I saved loads of wasted mental energy by not thinking about food all the time.  

Slightly shocking was that I was ENJOYING the feeling of being hungry (gasp!) before I sat down for a meal. I even paused before diving into a plate of food to feel gratitude. Being intentional about preparing a variety of dishes translated into being intentional about the way I eat too (ripple effect in action). When I took the time to cook a nice meal, I started to notice how each bite tasted, how the ingredients came together and how different quality produce tastes compared to [insert grocery store chain here]. 

Sitting down to eat 3 times a day turned out to be an amazing break to relax and focus on giving my body what it needed. When I stopped multitasking and mindlessly eating in front of the computer screen I became acutely aware of how I felt after a meal. Some meals gave me super sonic energy while some forced me to take a nap at my desk.

Lightbulb moment for me.  

Meals were more than just fueling my body so that I could hurry up and get to the next part of my day. This break in the day was a moment of reflection, a time for gratitude, and allowed me to be present and aware of my body in a way that I had never done before. 

This tiny change from 6 small meals to 3 nutrient dense meals a day had a huge impact on my life.

Now you might be wondering how this translated once I actually had kids who needed to be fed? The truth might surprise you. Not much changed. Even when our first born was six months old we’d have him sit down with us for 3 meals a day and try little things. When he turned one the only difference between his plate and ours was that I might chop things a little smaller or skip the salt. We never did “kid” food. Fast forward 7 years and 4 children later we use the following as guidelines for food in our house. 

As you read through these, please remember that what works in my house may not work for your household. I share these as inspiration. Think about what food values or rules you currently have and ones that you might want to adopt. Ask yourself what’s working and what’s not working when it comes to dinner time in your home. And if you need some tips to help your kids become more adventurous eaters check out my blog post on that here.

10 food rules that work for us and some food for thought (pun intended)

1. We choose what goes on your plate, you choose what and how much you eat.

We’ve had this rule since day one so we don’t receive much pushback from the kids. At this point they know that this is how we operate and there is no amount of grumbling that will change it. Now I will say that on days where I cook something very new or if they are particularly tired or grumpy then we’ll receive more complaints (see rule #8). If you are introducing this concept to older kids then you might need to implement it over time and slowly get them to this point.

We want to empower kids with control over their own bodies. Kids have an innate ability to know when they are satisfied and what foods their body needs. They lose this ability when we tell them they must eat this food or that food and when we tell them how much food they need to eat. It’s so important to trust kids when it comes to their bodies. 

Sometimes the kids will ask why we get to choose what food goes on the plates. My answer to this is pretty simple. First if there is something that they are craving I tell them to let me know. I am always happy to find a time to serve something they are excited about. For example if they say “I really want to have macaroni and cheese right now instead of this” I try to respond in a positive way – “ooo I love macaroni and cheese too. Let’s have that on Thursday night for dinner and you can help me make it from scratch.”   

The reason mommy gets to choose what foods are served is because it’s my job to make sure we are getting all the nutrients our bodies need. It’s important to eat a variety of foods to give us the right kind of energy. But YOU are the boss of your body so you get to choose what you eat and how much. 

2. We have 3 meals a day plus one snack (usually) like French children.

There are plenty of exceptions to this rule. We don’t want these rules to feel burdensome on the kids or on ourselves. Three meals a day goes out the window on long travel days, at parties, or if we are doing special activities (theme parks, days of fun, etc.). Or if we are at other people’s houses we follow their rules. Many of the families we know snack often (I think snack culture in America will need it’s own blog post!) and we just go with the flow and allow the kids to eat how everyone else is eating. Again this goes back to rules never feeling burdensome or making the kids feel like they are missing out. 

What I love about sticking with 3 meals is that by the time we get to a meal the kids are actually hungry. Meaning they are much more likely to sit and eat what’s served. Sometimes I’ll put out some veggies to munch on while I’m cooking dinner and it’s amazing the things they will try during that small window (when they are hungry) that they may not touch otherwise. 

The kids are also used to the feeling of being hungry and are ok with it. Sometimes in our culture I think we panic if a kid is even slightly hungry and use food as a bandaid for other emotions that might be at play instead of dealing with what’s actually going on. This unintentionally trains kids to reach for a snack anytime they are grumpy or get hurt or any number of other feelings they might have. Emotional eating anyone? Raising my hand, because I’ve definitely been there, done that. 

3. You don’t have to eat, but you do have to sit for 5 minutes.

I didn’t always have this rule, but often the kids were just too busy to sit down and eat. They were engrossed in whatever fun thing they were doing and despite my reminders that there would be no food until the next meal, they couldn’t pull themselves away. Then later after the kitchen was closed, I’d hear all about how they were starving. 

Or on the opposite spectrum what would often happen is they would take one look at their plate and say “i’m not eating.” Then if one child said that the others would often follow suit without even looking at the plate. 

To combat this I told the kids “you don’t have to eat, but you do have to sit for 5 minutes.” This gave the other children a chance to eat if they felt hungry and not get distracted because one of their siblings was off playing a fun game. And it’s amazing what happens if you force the body to stop for 5 minutes. I’d say more than half the time the kids will have a bite or two and realise they actually did want to eat. Shocker!

Note that anytime I make a new rule I explain why the rule exists. We talked about how it’s important to give our bodies a little break from playing so we can slow down and listen to what our bodies need (are we hungry? Thirsty?). I also explained how it’s difficult when one kid doesn’t sit down, because then the other kids don’t want to miss out on the fun play that is happening and might ignore important things their own bodies are saying.  

The key here is really being ok with it if a child decides not to eat. If 5 minutes are up and the child says they aren’t hungry, we say “ok.” No questions asked. Remember rule #1 – they decide what and how much they eat. As the kids have gotten older we’ve stretched the 5 minutes to 10-15 minutes. Purely because one of our core values is taking the time to connect as a family everyday and 10-15 minutes feels appropriate for this season of our life. 

4. No toys or electronics at the table (this goes for adults too)

This probably doesn’t need much explanation. For us meals are a time to connect as a family or with friends. I see a lot of parents allowing toys at the table from as young as 6 months old, because they are scared the kid won’t eat if they aren’t distracted. There is a lot of research that shows that we don’t listen to our body’s cues when we are distracted by toys or TV. This goes for kids or adults. And in an age where technology is always present, we want to model that there is a time and a place for electronics. Dinner time is not that time.

5. Dessert is NOT a reward (or a punishment!)

If you grew up like me it was clean plate club or bust. And forget about dessert if you weren’t part of this all important club. This puts dessert on a pedestal (that it shouldn’t be on) and using dessert as a reward in this way forces kids to ignore their own innate hunger cues. Now instead of listening to their own bodies they need an external force to tell them what and how much to eat (refer to rule #1).

The problem with putting dessert on a pedestal is we are unintentionally labelling food as “good” or “bad.” Eat this “yucky broccoli” in order to get this “delicious treat.” A better message is that all foods have their place.  

So you might be thinking well that sounds great, but how the heck do I do this in reality? There are a couple of things we do in our house. If we are having cookies or a treat like that I often serve it with their afternoon snack. That way it’s completely separate from dinner and we avoid the issue entirely. 

If we are serving dessert with dinner then we either serve them a piece with their dinner and let them decide the order in which they eat things. Or if we have guests over and we want to serve dessert after dinner in a more traditional way, we do exactly that. We just serve dinner as usual, but we don’t worry about how much dinner the kids eat. If they are really hungry they will eat when dinner is served and if they just want dessert they can wait until everyone is ready. We let them decide. 

There are definitely times where we’ve had family over and all the kids eat is dessert. The key is not making a big deal about it, because there are plenty of other times when they eat dinner and dessert. I’m more concerned that they are learning how to decide what their body needs instead of being told. For me these are vital life skills that translate into other areas of life.  

6. We don’t use labels and instead opt for positive food language

We try to be very intentional about how we talk about food and avoid any negative labels. The more neutral or positive language we can use the better. Don’t expect perfection here, we are only human. I think being aware of it is the first step. 

Some labels you often hear thrown around are picky, fussy, good eater, bad eater. We have deleted these from our vocabulary. As for food we avoid saying food is good, bad, healthy or unhealthy. We try to remain neutral on all foods as they all have their place (yes even processed foods, gasp!). 

Instead I focus on sharing my love of food. I comment on colours, textures, or where the food comes from. I encourage the kids to make up different recipes using the foods on their plates. When you make food fun, kids respond in such a beautiful way.

7. We don’t assume the kids won’t like something 

In fact we never even ask if they like or don’t like something. Because when we say something over and over it becomes true. If you say you don’t like [insert food] enough times that will become a truth that is very hard to change. Instead we encourage the kids to say “no thank you” or “i’m not sure about bell pepper.” According to the Mayo Clinic it takes kids 12 to 17 times of being EXPOSED to a food before they are even interested in trying it. 

So when I make up the kids plates I put a small amount of everything that is being served. Yes even if my kid has never once touched it or told me 100 times that they don’t want it on their plate. I still put a small amount on their plate. Repeated exposure is key here. If I know they are still learning to like a certain food I try to be creative and serve it in different ways – this could be the way it’s cooked, serving it with a dip, cutting it in a funny shape, or having the kids help prepare it. 

8. No complaining or unkind words

How many times have you worked hard preparing dinner only to hear “ew I hate chicken”? Or even more frustrating, one child who loves snap peas decides one day they actually hate them, purely because their older sibling or friend hates them. Children are so influenced by other children, which can be both a positive and a negative. 

Insert our family rule “don’t yuck my yum” which comes from a great children’s book by Amy Pleimling. Essentially we teach the kids better ways to communicate their feelings about food and also that their words matter and can affect how other people feel about food.  

Instead of saying “ew I hate chicken” we encourage the kids to say “thank you for dinner, I was really craving pizza, do you think we could have that another day?” The kids now know they can count on me to always say yes and we’ll decide together which day pizza can be on the menu. 

To drive home the “don’t yuck my yum” rule we asked the kids what their favourite food is. The oldest one said sushi. I said ok how would it make you feel if I walked up and said “ew your sushi looks so gross” right before you were about to take a bite. He quickly got the point and realised it can be hurtful when we yuck someone else’s yum.  

9. There will always be a familiar food on the table

This rule is pretty simple and allows me to introduce new foods in a way that feels safe for the kids. I like to be adventurous with food and expose the kids to as many different cuisines as possible. But sometimes I stretch it just a bit too far and the kids aren’t quite ready for it. Or sometimes a dish comes out spicier than I was expecting. So I always try to pair the dish with at least one item that they are familiar with. 

10. Food can be touched or licked or made into a face if you aren’t ready to try it (just no throwing!)

Kids can learn about the world and food in many different ways, not just by eating it. If we combine the idea of repeated exposure and exploring in a variety of ways we can change our expectations around food. Oftentimes, as parents, we are so focused on the end result of getting a kid to eat their broccoli, we forget to enjoy the process. This also helps us avoid negative associations kids can develop with food. 

What if we change our definition of success when it comes to kids eating? Imagine if your measure of success went from a kid actually eating brussels sprouts to your kid just touching it? Imagine how much pressure that would take off. If kids aren’t ready to try a certain food, we try to get them comfortable with it just being on their plate, and maybe the next time we’ll encourage them to use the bell pepper as a forklift to scoop the rice. When food is fun, kids are so much more likely to try new things.     

Please keep in mind with all rules there are exceptions. We have plenty of nights where we order pizza and call it a day. Or where my husband and I need a break so we feed the kids something simple and then order takeout to eat after the kids sleep. Yes this counts as a date night in my book. We also go through different life phases where we seem to break the rules more often or other times where I have the space to cook 3 meals a day from scratch.

But we always come back to these core family values when it comes to food and mealtimes and it has helped us immensely. 

I’d consider all of our kids pretty adventurous eaters, but it didn’t happen overnight. I hope you will try this or maybe that – take what resonates with you and leave the rest. And pleeeasssseeee comment below with food rules that work for your family. I’d love to hear them.