If you’ve spent a minute on my website, you’ll notice I don’t really like labels. Labels don’t belong on kids and equally they don’t belong on moms (for the most part!). What am I talking about? Let’s start with the “working mom” and “stay at home mom” labels.

By society’s standards I’m in the SAHM box and I reluctantly identified this way for the first 6 years of motherhood. I say reluctantly not because being a SAHM isn’t amazing or isn’t enough. It’s more than enough and for me it’s incredibly fulfilling. In fact I wouldn’t have it any other way. Getting to spend so much time with my kids is the reason I chose not to work a traditional 9-5 and a large part of why we homeschool. 

What do you do? 

But yet I used to dread the inevitable “what do you do?” question. Every time someone asked I could feel the pit in my stomach. I always responded with “oh I’m at home with the kids.” Although I was technically telling the truth, it never felt right. The real TRUTH is that I did (and do) so much more than take care of the kids, but the things I did (before starting my business) were “behind-the-scenes” and didn’t fit neatly into a little box. When people ask “what do you do?” what they really mean is “what do you get paid to do?”. Since I wasn’t receiving a paycheck it felt easier to give a quick answer and leave things uncomplicated.

But what message was I sending when I put myself in the SAHM box when I didn’t actually belong there? I was telling myself that the other things I did weren’t important. That they weren’t valid. It wasn’t worth talking about them. 

I was selling myself short

It didn’t help that my husband Darren sold his company in 2017 – the same year our first little nugget was born and we decided I would stay home with him. Selling his company quickly gave my husband the “successful entrepreneur” label. This label has been both a blessing and a curse for him, but that is a blog post (or podcast episode!) for another day. 

Standing next to my “successful entrepreneur” husband made getting out of the SAHM box even more difficult. But Darren would be the first to say that I’m the Clementine to the Winston Churchill. If you don’t know, Clementine was Winston Churchill’s wife and she was involved in many war decisions and had significant influence over Churchill and the government.

I have a degree in business economics, a minor in applied psychology, a masters in finance, 3 years working in portfolio management, and many years in various startups (including 2 of my own). After Darren sold his business we worked side by side managing our investments in both real estate and startups. We have bought and sold 9 houses, remodeling 3 of them. Needless to say, all of that was a ton of work. 

But like I said all of this was behind-the-scenes so I trudged along as a SAHM. Then somewhere along the way the feeling of not fitting into these boxes started growing louder. 

Since I don’t fit neatly in either the SAHM box or the WORKING mom box, can there be a 3rd box for mom’s that do both? Or better yet let’s ditch the boxes all together. Let’s have a spectrum. Or if we are really getting deep here, let’s acknowledge that there are so many different sides to people. One of my favorite things is learning about a fellow mom’s “previous life” before they became a mom. It’s always so interesting. People are so multi-faceted. 

Speaking of multi-faceted

I realized not only was I selling myself short, but I wasn’t allowing people to see all the different sides of me. By quickly answering “I’m at home with the kids,” I was shutting down any opportunity for people to see another side of me. Mainly the business side. 

Owning my zones of genius

Like most things, once that feeling grew too loud, I couldn’t unsee it (or unfeel it as the case may be). I started owning my strengths and being proud of them. I started to embody someone that could do both – be a stay at home and a working mom. When I did that I changed my answer from “I’m at home with the kids” to “I’m mostly with the kids AND I work in finance and real estate.” 

Now i’m adding kickass unicorn, podcaster, blogger, content creator, homeschool mom, entrepreneur, and world traveler to that list. All of us are so many things. Let’s stop putting ourselves in boxes that are outdated and limiting. 

Please comment below and tell me how you are going to answer the “what do you do?” question next time someone asks.