When I was pregnant with my first I read every baby book I could get my hands on. I was determined to be prepared as possible as I entered this new chapter. The majority of the books I read focused on the first year of baby’s life, because I had alllll the questions.

No seriously, I was googling what is a swaddle? How often do you change a baby’s nappy? How many layers of clothing does a baby need? Do baby’s drink water? How often do babies sleep?

And don’t get me started on all my questions about actually delivering a baby! I read all the books on sleep, on how to respond to a crying baby, and more. 

Those early months were HARD, but having a plan and tools in my tool belt definitely served me. Then right around the time Logan’s personality was developing and he was eating solids I joined a mommy and me group, where I saw just how true it is that there are a million ways to mom.

But wait, how can there be so many ways to do this? Isn’t there a “right” way? That’s when I began to read more books, but this time with a focus on different ways to parent a toddler and beyond. 

During those early months the needs of a baby are relatively (key word relatively) simple. But then before you know it your precious little baby turns into a toddler and starts behaving in ways that “my kid will never behave.” It felt like I had no tools in my tool belt for this new stage. People love to say “you’ll just know what to do”, but i’m not sure that’s always the case. I quickly realised that I needed a new playbook.

And spoiler alert: there is no one playbook out there for how to raise your kid. And if a book claims to be that? Run for it. 

The more I read and eventually the more kids I had, I saw the importance of forming your own parenting philosophy. There really are a million ways to raise a child and there is certainly no right way. I believe getting clear on your family values and creating a general framework for how you want to parent is important. Like most things in life the key here is being aware and intentional. Being on the same page as your partner doesn’t hurt either 😉 

Below are 5 books that have really helped me understand how I personally want to parent and have given me fantastic tools to do that. Take what resonates with you and leave what doesn’t. Also please note that choosing just 5 books felt like an impossible task. But these should serve as a good starting point. 

1. Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy

If you don’t follow Dr. Becky on instagram go do that now. She creates short reels giving you easy to implement strategies and language to respond to children in a ton of highly relatable situations. She’s really amazing and is definitely re-writing the script when it comes to understanding our children’s emotional needs and parenting in a way that feels good.

Needless to say, after following Dr. Becky for many years, when her book came out I couldn’t wait to read it. In the book she shares her parenting philosophy, which focuses on connecting with kids instead of correcting them. Dr. Becky’s book gives you the tools to become a more confident parent and unlearn some of the more traditional ways we might have been raised. 

Dr. Becky also does ted talks and has her own podcast.

I told my husband that if I could have lunch with one celebrity it would be her. 

2. How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish

Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish are internationally acclaimed experts on communication between parents and children. As the title suggests this book is a go-to guide for communicating effectively and respectfully with our children while maintaining clear boundaries. The book teaches you how to get your kid to willingly cooperate, avoiding the all too common struggle between parent and child (we’ve all been there).

What I love about the book is that it gives very relatable real life examples outlining the exact language to use in various situations. The book helped me feel confident in how to implement respectful parenting in a way that works for the entire family. This was one of the books I asked my husband to read so that we could make sure we were on the same parenting page. It helped him immensely because sometimes the key to responding in a calm and positive way in those heated moments, is having the exact language to use.  

3. The Whole Brain Child by Dr Daniel J. Siegel & Dr Tina Payne Bryson

Written by Dr. Daniel J. Siegal, a neuropsychiatrist, and Dr. Tina Payne, a parenting expert, The Whole Brain Child dives deep into the science of how a child’s brain is wired and how it matures. The book gives you an understanding of the science behind children’s seemingly out of control behaviour and a guide to handling it using 12 key strategies. The promise? Raise happier, calmer children. Yes please!

Although I found the book slightly hard to get through, the information was invaluable and i’m really glad I finished it. Understanding the science behind children’s behaviour gave me more compassion during those inevitable tantrums and helped me separate any feelings I might be bringing to the table in that moment. The strategies outlined in the book were extremely helpful and easy to implement. 

4. Bringing up Bébé by Pamela Druckerman

In case you missed it, I wrote about Bringing up Bébé in my post about my family’s food culture. Bringing Up Bébé is a fantastic book and an easy read. The author, Pamela Druckerman, wrote about her experience as an American raising her children in France and recounts the differences between parenting styles in France and the US. 

The book highlights a few generalised parenting differences, but what stuck with me was this idea that French kids eat everything. Learning about French Food Culture, especially through the lens of children, completely changed my thoughts around food – both for our kids and for myself. 

Food might not seem like a top priority when it comes to your parenting philosophy, but I’d argue it should be at the top of the list.

We all have a relationship with food whether it’s positive or negative. “You better join the clean plate club” or “no dessert until you’ve eaten all your broccoli”, sound familiar? Food is such a huge part of our daily life and directly correlates to so many larger aspects of our lives, like body image and self-talk. So it’s my strong belief that what we feed our kids and how we talk to our kids about food is very important. 

5. Fairplay by Eve Rodsky

Fairplay is a book I wish I had come across much earlier in my parenting journey. Eve Rodsky puts language to the mental load and invisible tasks that often unfairly fall on the woman in the relationship in order to run a household. Before creating her system of virtual cards to share the workload in a fair way she originally called it “The sh*t I do list.” The book is funny, relatable, and gives a surprisingly simple system to giving couples more time back and less fuss by helping your household run much more efficiently.   

In the early years of becoming parents, I definitely felt this invisible load and often felt angry and resentful. My husband and I stumbled through this phase with tons of trial and error and many challenging times. Eventually we found our way to what I consider true teamwork and we said goodbye to those feelings of resentment and lack of understanding. But it was HARD. If only I had had this book earlier it would have saved us a lot of back and forth. In hindsight I lacked the language to effectively communicate to my husband what I was feeling. Even though Darren and I eventually found a good rhythm and understanding of each other in terms of the load, this book was still extremely helpful when I came across it 3 kids later. I’d highly recommend to anyone in any phase of your parenting journey.